Both of his parents died, he separated from his husband, and his sister, Julie, was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer.
But from that unwieldy space of grief, he started an exploration of how to find joy.
In his new book, “The Joy You Make: Find the Silver Linings — Even on Your Darkest Days,” Washington Post columnist Petrow spells out how he did and how we can too.
Here's what Petrow had to say about finding joy when life gets messy, edited for length and clarity:
Kerry Hannon: How do you define joy?
Steven Petrow: The process of doing research on this book helped me to understand that I was a little bit clueless about what joy is.
We have this notion in our culture that joy is the Fourth of July fireworks. But there are all these different dimensions to joy — peacefulness, delight, exuberance. There can be spiritual types of joy. There are many types, but they all uplift us.
There is an important distinction between happiness and joy. Happiness is eating a brownie. Joy is baking a pan of brownies to share. It's about connection — that’s the fundamental aspect of joy.
You suggest keeping a gratitude journal. How does this process provide a magic ingredient to build joy?
I was a little bit worried when I started writing a journal. Do I have enough things to be grateful for in my life on a daily basis? But I started to do it and did it religiously. I found that not only did I have big things to be grateful for, but I had many more small things.
Today, I'm grateful for my dog who's sitting over here. I'm grateful that it's sunny. I'm grateful for my friends. Sometimes I'm grateful for chocolate ice cream.
After three months, I noticed that I felt an uplift in my mood. I felt a sense of gratefulness in my world. I usually wrote in my journal before going to bed, and so I went to bed on a high note rather than ruminating about what didn't go right today.
Can a gratitude journal help you learn to love your job?
Absolutely. Many things in my journal were related to my work. Most of all in the workplace, it’s having a sense of connection to your coworkers, feeling like you're part of a team.
You write that celebrating someone else’s success in their career can bring you joy. How so?
When you’re happy for others' successes that instills in you a really positive reaction. That’s kind of the cool thing — it's called a helper's high. Also giving credit to someone else for your success is another way to do this. Catherine Chambliss, a professor of psychology at Ursinus College, calls this “bragitude.” It's where you tell a colleague how they contributed to your promotion. Love the way your garden turned out this year? Mention it to the neighbor who gave you a landscaping idea. Look for ways to reflect your joy back onto someone else.